10 things you will never hear me say while teaching yoga
Our words and language hold great power. The things we do not say are just as important.
As a ‘retired’ actor, I have a deep appreciation for the myriad of interpretations held by our speech. One simple word can change someone’s entire experience, for the positive or negative.
This is why I have spent a large amount of time working through things that, from my experience, should never show up in a yoga class.
This is by no means an exhaustive list, and is ever changing; but these are 10 of my non-negotiables:
I do not use gendered cues.
Ultimately, it is just unnecessary. Beyond that, using grouped gender terms like “let’s go ladies!” or “you got this guys!” is boring and lazy.
Also, it is so easy to use neutral body landmarks to build an asana. Please for the love of all the deities, never use a bra strap as a reference point again. And don’t make assumptions like men=strong and women=flexible.
Say what you actually mean. Mean what you say. Be impeccable with your word. Because one of our main roles as leaders in yoga studios is in harm reduction: keep as many people feeling safe as you can. How you speak, can determine if someone feels included or excluded. Full stop.
I never say “push harder/go deeper.”
Yes, I believe the practice of yoga is an amazing one to remember your true expansive nature and unlimited potential…but you also exist within a human body, that likely exists within a colonialist/capitalist/patriarchal society (and if you don’t, please let me know and I’ll be right over). Injury and burnout should not be an expected and accepted norm in this modality and this world. If you need rest…REST. If you don’t press into handstand every single vinyasa…WHO CARES. I promise you no one else does, they are all too invested in their own experience. I always say, a successful practice is not determined by how high you get your leg or how deep you get your stretch, but did you stay true to what YOU need from your practice on that day.
I will never single anyone out.
If I have feedback or encouragement for an individual, I will walk over to them and create a space for just the two of us. I do this with the volume and direction of my voice and my body language. Heck, I won’t even approach you without consent. Even someone who I may know well, I still ask, because we feel different in our bodies every day. This respect allows you to acknowledge your boundaries and create your own level of autonomy in embodiment. I also will never proclaim inside jokes that only a few people in the room will get, because guess what, instant exclusion. And I am not about that.
You will never hear me say ‘this is a safe space.’
When this idea first became trendy I remember hearing teachers say it at the beginning of classes or gatherings all the time. It always gave me the ick. At the time I didn’t understand why, but as I learned more about what it means to truly offer safety and trauma-informed guidance, I figured it out.
Safety results when our expectations match our experience. When I tell you it’s a safe space, but then you have an experience that may not feel safe, I have lied to you. Now I know that sounds extreme, and logically you may not feel it as such. But when our word and actions do not align, our more subtle systems read this as danger. And as stated above: I am here to reduce harm, not cause it.
You won’t hear filler words like “nice,” “comfortable,” or “juicy.” Or cues like “scissor your inner thighs” or “engage your core.”
You may have heard teachers say “find a nice comfortable seat,” or pitch a sequence as “juicy.” My qualms here are rooted in the idea of being impeccable with your word. When words or phrases start showing up like a cut and paste, this indicates to me that the teacher is not thinking for themselves. That is how misinformation is spread. You hear something that sounds snazzy in a class and decide to adopt it as your own. Cool, but do your research. Recognize for yourself if that word/cue is being used correctly. Filler words actually take away from the clarity of your message.
So firstly, what if there is nothing nice OR comfortable about the shape you have invited the class into? This can send students into self-doubt…this doesn’t feel ‘nice’, am I doing something wrong? And if I’m being honest, the real journey of yoga is neither nice nor comfortable. Again, say what you mean. Now, if you do actually want them to be comfortable, like in a restorative class, sure. But I still try to avoid it, because even if you are physically comfortable there can be a myriad of internal discomforts.
And secondly, with body cues, we have heard the ones mentioned above so many times that they have lost any meaning. Give them actionable cues that result in the activation you are looking for.
On the topic of filler words: you will not hear me over-talk.
I have worked very hard to be efficient and clear with my communication. I also have a deep appreciation for silence. IT’S OKAY TO NOT TALK FOR A BIT. Or if the word you need isn’t coming, instead of saying “ummmmm”, just pause. It will come, and your students will wait for you.
I will never speak about yoga as only a body-based work out.
The origins of this practice, in fact the majority of its’ foundations, are not body-based. What I personally love so deeply about yoga is that it works with all the facets of what it means to be human. If you treat this practice like a work out, then why aren’t we just at a gym? Honour what makes yoga special. Honour the roots of this tradition. As one of my teachers used to say: “yoga without the other 7 limbs, is just narcissism.”
I will NEVER comment on your body or personal appearance.
I can’t believe that I need to include this, but I see it happen alllllllll the time.
I would wager that most of us have complicated relationships with these skin suits. One seemingly innocent comment could bring up some very complex feelings.
To offer something personal: I am taller than most women, and the amount of times that that is the first thing someone will say to me has been astounding (along with comments that are much more inappropriate). When you hear the same thing over and over and over and over it tends to make you feel like that is all people see in you.
ALSO, you have no idea why a person’s body is presenting the way it is. You may idealize thin-ness, and compliment someone on it, without the awareness that they could have lost weight due to grief, or illness, or crisis.
We are more than our appearance. If you want to connect with someone, there are better ways to do it. Get creative.
I will not create a pose hierarchy or use the phrase “advanced practice.”
I don’t believe that the most complicated pretzel pose=the most advanced practice. Like, have you tried sitting still for 10 minutes!? That doesn’t look like much from the outside, but holy heck can it be challenging.
Anytime I give options, I offer the reminder that there is no shape that is inherently better than the other. The best shape is the one that allows you to land in an amount of effortless-ness, still be able to breath, and be able to stay. If you are coming to your practice from a place of your truth, that may mean that your shapes will look different than mine and different than your neighbours; in fact I can almost guarantee it. This ownership and celebration of our individual bodies, and our individual capacity on a certain day, feels to me like an exciting rebellion from the social norms that most of us are force fed.
AND LASTLY…
I will not comment on your practice.
I don’t know about you, but this has happened to me many times and has made me feel instantly uncomfortable. Because, often the opinion offered conflicts with my internal experience as a student. I have had teachers say “oh you have such a strong…or such a beautiful practice.” But many times, those were days when I felt heart-breakingly fragile and was on the verge of tears the entire class. I did not feel strong or beautiful at the time.
If you offer your opinion, you are playing into a dynamic as an authority figure that often causes this opinion to be received as fact. But, as mentioned above, if that statement conflicts with the student’s internal experience, you have just created a situation of mis-alignment, which the body can read as danger.
Now, I understand the urge to connect and check in with your students. So why not ask what you actually want to know? “How did that feel for you?” And let them tell you. Because that’s what it’s all about. We are there to create the environment for self-exploration. If we are dictating the outcome, our students have missed out on their own journey.
And there we have it!
Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed a peek into how and why I work the way I do.
I send you lots of love and many blessings,
Emily Opal.